articles & blogs

Blogs by D’Arcy Bruning-Haid published at: wellnessnews.ca

Living life to its fullest

The opposite of love is not hate it’s indifference. When we allow fear and indifference to run our relationships and life choices it disconnects and puts us in dis-ease. We are all here on earth on borrowed time. None of us know how much time we have left. The only real choice we have is how to embrace the life we have and live it fully. The challenge is to experience and learn from the life that is happening to you instead of wishing you could have someone else’s. What if you knew you only had one week to live? Who would you see and how would you spend your precious time? We all eventually die and leave behind our worldly possessions. What would it take for you to live the fullest every day as if it was your last week? To appreciate every given moment and live it as though death is near, not with fear, but with sweet savoring of all that is….as you embrace life to its fullness!

D’Arcy Bruning-Haid, Masters in Counselling Psychology

Our body holds our story

When there is something, you are not allowing yourself to feel, admit or acknowledge and we stuff the unexpressed feeling down, it becomes an energy form that stresses the body. It starts when an uncomfortable emotion doesn’t want to be felt or experienced. We distract, ignore and bury our intolerable feelings in hope to forget about it. This energy tenses muscles, lessens blood flow and eventually becomes illness, pain or dis-ease. The hidden process of stuffing our emotions is called “somaticizing”. When your body is asked to hold an emotional state for too long, it begins manifesting into physical symptoms or creates an addiction to keep it at bay. It’s the body’s creative way of protecting ourselves letting us know something is not quite right.

D’Arcy Bruning-Haid, Masters in Counselling Psychology

Assessing our relationships

There comes a time in our lives when we need to evaluate our relationships to assess what is life giving and serving and what is no longer meeting our needs and holding us back. Important to distinguish between unfinished resentments that need to be expressed and cleared in relationships in order to open communication and ease between friends versus getting stuck in old, entrenched patterns that have nowhere to go and keep being played out. One of the biggest gifts we can give ourselves is surrounding our lives with loving and kind people. Creating an inventory of who is in your life, where you are spending your time and how enriched you are feeling is valuable information to know. “Sometimes a person comes into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime” and we don’t always know their purpose in advance.

D’Arcy Bruning-Haid, Masters in Counselling Psychology

Your attitude can change your life

How we look and take in the world impacts every aspect of our lives. Our attitude is the foundation from which life force comes from. We can’t always control what comes our way, but we do have control over how we choose to take it in and use it. There is no secret recipe for happiness or contentment. Those who choose to move through life joyously without victimhood have not been blessed with any more abundance, love, success or prosperity than another, instead they take what they’ve got and make it into something worthwhile and life giving. Our delight and despair come from within. A subtle shift in attitude can uncover many hidden gifts that can change our lives. By choosing to love life no matter what crosses your path….you create an energy that allows every aspect of ourselves to grow and thrive.

D’Arcy Bruning-Haid, Masters in Counselling Psychology

Disappointment reminds us of what matters

Disappointment is a natural and inevitable part of life that we can’t avoid when we allow ourselves to dream, hope, love and envision our lives going in a certain direction. When we are engaged in relationships not everything goes as planned. We can’t help but bump into known and hidden expectations as to how life should be, wish it could be or want it to be. Whether we become disappointed with ourselves, with others or life circumstances, it lets us know what is important, what we need and becomes an amazing opportunity to clearly assess if our needs can be met by this specific person, situation or circumstances at the time. Welcoming the reality of what is and grieving what can’t be helps make room for new acceptance of what is possible.

D’Arcy Bruning-Haid, Masters in Counselling Psychology

Jealousy a gateway to gratefulness

Nothing about jealousy feels comfortable or desirable. It touches that ugly feeling deep withing that life seems unfair in some way. When we become jealous of someone or something, it awakens the belief that I want something that I can’t have and there is not enough to go around tapping into a lack of abundance. If we allow ourselves to go a little deeper, it also offers us important information about what our heart desires. When we are jealous, it awakens and shines light on what we want for ourselves at a deeper level. With that information, we now offered the opportunity to start putting into action what we truly want and desire. The best antidote for jealousy is gratitude and gratefulness for life’s unforeseen gifts that enrich our lives with opportunities.

D’Arcy Bruning-Haid, Masters in Counselling Psychology

Changing a habit

When we free ourselves of an addiction or habit that we no longer need or desire, it requires a clear vision along side a plan and a boat load of self compassion & patience.  As we break free from what holds us hostage, we discover an uncomfortable  in-between place where we must dwell and move through without giving into the urge.  Most habits are not conscious and are built on behaviours that helped us avoid or numb feelings, making stopping uncomfortable for a period of time as they emerge. Our bodies, heart and mind needs time to adjust to a new way of being  as we create healthier behaviours to put into its place to thrive.

D’Arcy Bruning-Haid, Masters in Counselling Psychology

Embodied trauma

Most people will experience some sort of trauma in their lifetime. Trauma is something that happens to you that feels too difficult to bear so we learn to quickly compartmentalize, minimize or numb it out.  The obvious big ones are surviving an accident, natural disaster, illness, death of a loved one, abuse, end of a relationship or experiencing something you didn’t see coming. Going through trauma challenges and changes us and imprints itself on our nervous system and bodies. You can’t think your way out of trauma. It affects mood, sleep, appetite and relationships and can leave us stressed, depressed, anxious and unable to cope well with daily life. EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) is an powerful way to release the nervous system and regain a calm balance from within. 

D’Arcy Bruning-Haid, Masters in Counselling Psychology

Everyone has one

Everyone has one…. a shadow that is! The darker more hidden side of oneself which is not yet conscious, that we try our best to hide and not show to others in fear of not being liked or accepted. We do our very best to push it down and hold it at bay as it exposes our vulnerabilities and imperfections. Eventually, over time, for better or for worse, it raises itself and seeps out into our longer-term relationships. Dr Carl Jung, wisely said” if we don’t embrace our shadow, our shadow embraces us”. The more we can recognize and take ownership of our shadow parts…the healthier and less defensive our relationships both with ourselves and others become.

D’Arcy Bruning-Haid, Masters in Counselling Psychology

Growing wisdom

Growing older is mandatory and happens with or without our consent. Growing wise takes discernment, searching, clarity, deep questioning and a willingness to try, fail and learn from our mistakes. “Adulthooding” can be hard and overwhelming with many skills to master, balance, organize and acquire in order to fully live and thrive.  Sometimes it feels like we are navigating an explosive mine field or running a triathlon with little rest or camping at the base of a mountain perplexed as to how to climb the steep scaffold.  Wisdom comes from listening to the quiet voice that guides us, a willingness to explore outside your comfort zone, try  new books, podcasts and adventures and luxuriating in the company of other wise souls that help you dig deep into the unknown to uncover the exquisite inner knowing that lies within all of us.

D’Arcy Bruning-Haid, Masters in Counselling Psychology

How our defense system works

We all have access to 7 core emotions: fear, anger, grief, joy, excitement, disgust and sexual excitement says Hilary Jacobs Hendel. Some of us learn at an early age the freedom to express them, others learn to bottle them up to keep the homeostasis in our families growing up. The more access we have to these emotions the more fluid our wellbeing will be. Everyone has 3 inhibitory emotions; anxiety, shame and guilt. These feelings are way too much to bear so we instinctively create defenses to avoid them at all costs. Our defenses are our creative protection that helps us avoid fully feeling overwhelmed and the intolerable. They also create walls between ourselves and others which prevent intimacy, loving and healthy communication. The more we have access to expressing all of our feelings safely, the more connected, compassionate, confident and loving we can be to ourselves and others.

D’Arcy Bruning-Haid, Masters in Counselling Psychology

I choose to make my life sacred

Guided by our hearts, our experiences and life’s uncertainty, I choose to make my life sacred in all that I do. Creating ceremony and ritual, summoning potent powers and expansive greatness into the everyday actions of getting up each morning, honoring our bodies, encountering all we meet. Take a moment and stop resisting, let the earth breathe you, hold you and re-create the flow within. Make your desires known and open your heart wide, say thank you for all that you’ve been given. Believe in joy and the potency of the heart, allow breath to lift your restrictive beliefs into freedom. Find magic in the mundane. Once you recognize your freedom, say thank you for all that lives within, staying pregnant with possibility.

D’Arcy Bruning-Haid, Masters in Counselling Psychology

Inspiration versus obligation

As this new year begins….what do you feel most inspired to do, learn, and explore in your life? Are you beginning it with inspiration or obligation? Where you put your energy and who you choose to be around brings out the best in you. What obligations are you ready to let go of and release that no longer serve you and how can you give yourself full permission to do more of what fills you up and let go of the rest? A new year is an opportunity to re-evaluate, prioritize and upgrade your life as it continues to shift and evolve into all YOU desire it to be.

D’Arcy Bruning-Haid, Masters in Counselling Psychology

Let kindness be our inspirtation

Kindness if the gift that keeps on giving. It expands the light within us and touches the light in others. Small gestures inspire our hearts to open and be touched. It is one of the simplest ways to share our hearts with humanity. Whether it be letting someone merge ahead of us in traffic or go ahead of us in a grocery line, share our resources, open a door or find ways to pay it forward. When we choose to act from the best place within ourselves, we nourish the seed of hope in others and lift the vibration of the world. Join me by putting one act of kindness into action daily.  I can’t think of a time when we needed it more!

D’Arcy Bruning-Haid, Masters in Counselling Psychology

Life our best teacher

What if we began to see our life as an amazing spiritual classroom and treat every situation that we encounter as a spiritual endeavor? Experiencing life as an ongoing dance that allows us to learn when to hold on and let go, when to embrace and surrender and what to honour and release. A sacred opportunity to take full ownership of all of our feelings, thoughts of what we tell ourselves knowing they are old stories that no longer need to run themselves and play out in our lives. Then let us be guided inwards, teach us and enlighten us to what we need to learn, rather than blame, judge or play victim to ourselves or others. Allowing in more compassion, love, wisdom, joy and ease into every action we so choose.

D’Arcy Bruning-Haid, Masters in Counselling Psychology

The power of saying NO!

The ability to say NO is an integral part of our wellness and self-care. Many of us have learned that saying no is “wrong” and worry it leads to criticism and people not liking us. When we feel compelled to say yes, even when it’s not in our best or highest interest out of duty, approval, niceness or fear of rejection, we dis-honor and rob ourselves of being fully authentic and begin building up resentments. When we dare to speak our truth and say NO we choose YES sincerely from an open heart and enthusiasm. People learn to trust exactly where they stand with you… both in your no’s and yes’s.

D’Arcy Bruning-Haid, Masters in Counselling Psychology

The people in our lives are a mirror

The people we encounter in our lives inform and teach us what to hold onto and what to let go of. Some people mirror and show us what we desire and long for, others show us the places that need freeing where we get triggered and stuck within ourselves. Our reactions towards others shed light on the values we have and what’s important to us. It’s easy to blame and make others wrong.  The more we can take ownership and communicate our needs, feelings, boundaries and desires the less our mirrors.

D’Arcy Bruning-Haid, Masters in Counselling Psychology

Making peace with yourself

Making peace with yourself is simple yet profound. It’s about being comfortable in your own skin and enjoying your own company. Knowing and humbly admitting when things went wrong and gently forgiving yourself for the mistakes you’ve made by learning from them.  Knowing what others think of you is none of your business yet offering your love freely and daring to share your emotions and vulnerability with those you care about. Knowing you are enough yet desiring to shine even brighter knowing each day is an opportunity to learn and grow. Choose fun. Embrace and savor your aloneness and all that comes with it , allowing for a deeper connection to emerge. Treat every day as if it’s your birthday and welcome the opportunity to give birth to all of who you want to be.

D’Arcy Bruning-Haid, Masters in Counselling Psychology

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